FRETWORK NEWS, September 13th, 2006

Hello I’m alex alans
And I’m Christina cho

And welcome to the fretwork news

President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush made a rare stop in new york city Monday to pay respects to the victims of September 11th on the anniversary of the event. Wearing somber tones and frowny looks on their faces, they proceeded down into Ground Zero and stood around the makeshift reflecting pool placed in the center the sacred site. Things got a little sticky though as W bowed over the pool to place flowers in it and a big cokebooger from 1979 rolled out of his nose and into the water.

Its fashion week in new york city, when names such as Tuleh, Tracy Reese, Marc, and Prouenza are on everyones lips! In a week of glamour and style, top designers are presenting their visions for Spring of 2007 which, coincidentally, is around the same time World War Three is scheduled to begin. According to these tastemakers, we’ll be wearing lots of flowing, billowing chiffon, which will look fabulous as it catches fire and we are running through the streets letting out horrible gurgling screams while our flesh melts off in a nuclear catastrophe!

Pope benedict the 16th arrived Saturday in his home country of germany on a persona pilgrimage to the places that shaped him as a child. He was greeted by thousands of catholic followers, especially in Bavaria, where he spent his early years as a young acolyte. He gathered young followers into the church he went to as a child and imparted wisdom upon the youth, telling them that more important than their faith in god is to remember that the first few times you get fucked up the ass it totally feels like you are taking a big shit.

Maria Sharapova of Russia let out a victorious howl after winning the women's singles championship on Saturday, beating out Justin Henin-Hardenne of Belgium for the US Open tennis tournament championship title, then she immediately had the Nike logo burned onto her labial wall with a hot iron, which made her squeal some more.

A - Warren Buffet’s donation last June to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation broke philanthropic records as the biggest contribution by one source in history. Now Buffett has finally announced where exactly his gift of 3.1 billion dollars will be allocated. The endowment will fund several humanitarian causes, an effort to seek prevention of global diseases, and lots and lots of hot fresh thai pussy.

Hey guess what its time for?

C: Is it time for my favorite game?

A: Yes it is – How many times can you say Hezebollah? Where we give contestants five seconds to say the name of the Islamic militant organization as many times as possible and give prizes to the person who can say it them most!

C: Wee!

A: Our first contestant is Coleen Jahan from Orange County California…are you ready Coleen?

John -- Yes.

A: OK…go!

J: Hezebollah…

A: Good job! Thirteen.

C: Next is Theresa Drexle from New Jersey. Ready, Go

Michele: Hezebollah

C: Oh…good job…Hey Alex, can I try?

A: Sure! Ready, go!

C: Hezebollah….

A: Great! You said hezebollah 30 times! What a fun pastime. Really gets your mind off the state of the world, and the whole anniversary of 9-11, doesn’t it?

C: You know, it sure does Alex. There are so many ways we can seek comfort in this time of remembrance. In fact, there is a song I used to sing after the Attack that I found quite comforting, and I would like to sing it for you and the audience right now.

A: please go ahead!

C: Osama Bin Laden….

A: That’s beautiful Christina…and this it for the Fretwork News! See you next time…