Jet Blue Emergency Style!

Hello! Welcome to another edition of Jet Blue emergency makeover! I’m your host Christopher Melrose! If you are watching this on your seatback console, then most likely a fellow passenger smuggled in some moisturizer, squirted onto their i-Pod, created a bomb, and you are about to die in a fiery crash. But we’re going to show you some easy ways to stay sexy and calm while the fuselage breaks apart and you fall towards the earth! So you can spend YOUR last few seconds alive, in Emergency Style! Come on!

First off –lets talk about screaming. You’ll probably want to howl and scream. But be sure to scream from your diaphragm, not in your throat. Breathe fully while you scream, it gives your screams a fuller more soulful quality.

Waving your arms around aimlessly is not a good idea. You end up bumping into other people, knocking over food trays, and it also gives everyone a chance to check out that unsightly underarm flab. Instead, keep your upper arms at your side, and try tracing your fingers along your armrests. Or take your hands, spread your fingers, and place them on each side of your skull. Not only its this the international symbol for “I’m Gonna Die,” but it also doubles as a great temple massage.

If you need to let off some steam while you die, try praying. It looks sophisticated and timeless, and it’s a GREAT isometric workout for the chest.

If you have a child and need to keep them occupied, those useless dangling oxygen masks make great, simple, entertaining mobiles that they can slap around, giving YOU time to scream, cry, or suck off the fat businessman next to you in a final attempt at human contact.

Try to keep conversations light and fun with your neighbors. In those last moments before you are smeared into the earth, it’s best to chat about pleasant things. Your kids, San Francisco weather, or a favorite old episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Finally. Don’t waste time trying to contact loved ones on your cell phone or even writing notes. Remember you don’t have much time and you are at risk of saying something disturbing and off color to someone safely on the ground. Plus any paper will just burn into ash along with your hand and arm. We have an alternative. In the seat pocket in front of you you’ll find Arrivals. Our colorful Duty free death catalogue. With just a swipe of your credit or debit card, you can send someone close to you a wide range of gift baskets, cheese and sausage spreads, eye catching bouquets or a personalized card. We’ll make sure they receive them! OK! That’s it for another edition of Jet Blue’s Emergency Style! I’m been your host Christopher Melrose. Thanks so much for dying with us. See you next time. Oh I guess I won’t! ha ha! Buh bye.