the Bono! - Pupu Platter April 25th, 2006

Gina: welcome back to Exotic Vacations. Ron, already you’ve shown us some great products for traveling to the beach and to Europe, but what about safety?

Mike: Like what, Maureen?

Gina: Do you have anything that helps your everyday vacationer just feel a little more secure, especially in these uncertain times?

Mike: I sure do, but first, Check out the following dramatization.

John: Excuse me. Hi! Um…can you tell me…the way to the Venetian Portrait Museum?

Sandra: Are you American?

John: Yes, Um, yes I am.

Sandra: Eat shit imperialist pig!

[Shoots and kills him]

Mike: Ooh! Its harder and harder these days to travel. Let’s face it. We’re Americans and The world hates us. Step outside the borders and you may be kidnapped, beheaded, or hung by a meathook on a bridge and burned in a painful public ritual of anger and hatred.

Gina: I hear ya!

But what if I told you I had something that could change your trip from dangerous to dynamic? Something that was easy to wear and lightweight enough to carry in almost any carry-on?

Gina: Well I’d say jeez, show me!

Mike: Maureen, let me show you the new – Bono!

Gina: the Bono…how does it work?

Mike: Just put on this patented, group-tested wig, yohji-yamamoto black shirt and sunglasses, and not only do you conceal the fact that you are American, but you also quickly become an international music icon! The bono gets you out of potential scrapes. Let's see the same scene, using the Bono:

John: excuse me do you know the way to the Venetian Portrait Museum?

Sandra: Oh! Bono! I will take you on my rickshaw!

Mike: See? It works so well! The Bono gets into fancy restaurants:

John-as-Bono: I am here for your best table

Michelle: Right these way, msr Bono.

Mike: For just 99.99 plus shipping and handling, You can…meet dignitaries, negotiate peace, plead for more AIDS funding from American Senators, travel first class, get knighted in Nepal, Or even score some fresh dark indigent pussy

Sandra [in burkah-like coverage, dives on John’s crotch] : Bono! Bono! Bono!

Gina: The Bono! I cant believe it! But wait, it works for men, but will it work for anyone?

Mike: Yes! Even children! Try it for yourself! [to audience] do you guys want to see Maureen try the Bono?

[audience cheers]

Gina: [puts on disguise]

[Michelle in burkah and knife rushes up to her screaming, then stops in awe]

Michelle: Bono!

Gina: Go get me some baba ganoush!

Michelle: Yes Bono! [runs off]

Gina: Wow! I cant believe it! The Bono works!

Mike: For just 99.99 The Bono makes traveling safe, secure and fun! Ordering information appears at the bottom of the screen….