Kidsbeer!

“Kidsbeer, a Japanese soft drink bottled and formulated to look like beer, may soon be available throughout Europe, but watchdogs of underage drinking say they will fight any effort to ship it to the United States.
The drink, which comes in a brown bottle and is advertised with the slogan "Even kids cannot stand life unless they have a drink," is lager-colored and foams like beer, but tastes like cola.”

Business Section of the Times, September 17th 2005

Some other toys:

Sass
From The Cool Girl collection

Sass is a world famous British model. She has an addict rockstar boyfriend who loves, can’t read, and can stay up for four days like her and not get blemishes or baggy eyes. No matter how much blow she does, Sass still looks gorgeous and gets to her early morning shoot for Lanvin on time! An inspiration to girls everywhere.

Sass’s slightly stained Ralph Rucci outfit
Frayed, scraggly silver lame cardi-wrap from fall 2004
Video camera to catch scandalous activity
Mirror
Crumpled dollar bills
Grecian sandals
Cowboy boots
Max, her boyfriend (comes in vintage tee and jeans that smell)
Zac Posen chocolate metallic lambskin hobo bag with lots of hidden inside pockets for secret things!

From the makers of Kidsbeer, Kidsmopolitans, Kidsblow

My First Meth Lab!

My First House Arrest

Hang out at home with this supercool ankle bracelet. Watch it set off an alarm if you leave the yard!

Another great product from the My First White Collar Crime ™ series

Kidlifts

The super cool make believe cosmetic surgery kit. Try on a new nose, inject your lips with Jell-o based fake collegen, give yourself a fizzy Sprite chemical peel!

Kid: “Ha ha! I look like Jocelyn Wildenstein!”
Kid: “Tee Hee my implants feel funny!”

Steroids Chewables

Increase your body mass to that of a tenth grader!